One shots!
by Muse-icfan756
Summary: These are a series of one shots that are  mostly  funny and set after Last Sacrifice. They probably unrelated unless stated. I hope you enjoy these ideas :
1. What did you do!

**Okay, so I've seen that a lot of people have done a small collection of one-shots in one story, so I've decided to do my own one! All my stories are set sometime after Last Sacrifice. Most of them will be quite funny, or as funny as I can make them, but I might add in some serious ones. They'll probably be unrelated unless stated. And I'm accepting any ideas that people may give me. Thanks!**

**Lissasguardian756**

Rose POV

"Lissa, are you sure you want to be doing this?" I groaned as she pulled the ingredients out of her cupboard. I was off duty and Lissa had decided to do some cooking. I knew she felt awkward having cooks do it specifically for her, but still. Some of her other guardians were standing around the room. They probably would have been very serious and everything, what with Lissa being Queen, but she'd told them that they could still participate and hang out, even when they were on duty. However, they all decided to pass this certain event. I scowled at two that were lounging in the corner, chatting and glancing my way. Their stakes were bulging in their pockets and they swept the room very few seconds.

"Of course, Rose. I need to be doing things for myself," she told me with a big grin on her face. I sighed. "Can you tell me what I need?" On the counter, a small recipe book was spread out, open on the page of a Victoria Sponge. My mouth watered.

"Ummm, 4 eggs, caster sugar and self-raising flour."

"Is that all? No butter or anything?" I shrugged. The closest I'd ever come to cooking was watching Christian make meatloaf in cooking class during my field experience. I usually got a sandwich or something from the cafe. She got out a bowl and cracked one egg on the side. She held the egg shell in her hands and I could see the egg floating around inside it.

"Lissa, you're supposed to empty it into the bowl, silly," I said, reaching for the egg. She yanked it away from me, spilling some on the counter in the process.

"No, Rose. You have to separate the white from the yolk." Oh. She tipped the egg over and over, letting the see-through gooey stuff drip into the bowl. The yellow yolks went in a separate bowl. Some of them had pierced on the hard edge of the shell.

"Now what?" I asked when she was finished.

"It says 'Whisk the whites until they form a hard mixture,'" she read out.

"Hard?"

"Well, I think it just means not-drippy. It says that it'd make peaks if you pulled the whisk out." She grabbed the electric whisk out of a cupboard and handed it to me. My eyes widened.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Whisk it."

"Oh, 'cause it's that easy."

"It is. Look," she put her hands over mine and demonstrated. I heard a guardian snigger and I stuck my tongue out childishly. We put the whisk in the middle of the mixture and turned it on to full power. I made it go round and round the bowl and was getting the hang of it, when it started spraying out at me. The white frothy mixture spun out of the whisks and splattered all over the back wall. I flicked it off immediately and stared in shock as Lissa and a couple of guardians exclaimed,

"Rose!"

"Sorry," I whimpered, using some kitchen roll to wipe it up. Thankfully, most of it had stayed in the bowl. I tried again, my strong arms having no trouble holding up the heavy whisk. "When do we know if it's right?"

"It says here 'If you can turn it upside down without it falling out, then it's perfect."

"Okay then." I turned off the whisk and tipped the bowl upside down. It looked fine until a dollop of white stuff fell out, followed by the entire contents of the bowl. I swore and Lissa laughed. "This is _not_ funny!"

"It is, Rose! Honestly, can't you cook?"

"No! You're my best friend! You should know that." Lissa sorted out the whites again, taking a bit longer this time, until they were perfect. We added in the yolks, sifted in the flour and poured in some sugar. When she wasn't looking, I added in a bit more just for fun. I shot the guardians a look and they grinned.

"There," Lissa stated, sounding proud of herself. "Now it goes in the oven for forty five minutes." She shoved it in on the middle shelf and filled the sink with water.

"What are you doing?" I wondered.

"Washing up." I sighed and yanked open the dishwasher. Arranging the bowls and spoons in the right places, I shoved in a tablet, closed and flipped it on.

"There."

"Oh." For the next forty minutes we sat and chatting aimlessly. It was nice to have some girl time. We hardly ever got to hang out properly, what with her being the Queen and I her head guardian.

"Can you smell that?" Lissa asked, wrinkling her nose. It took me a few seconds to pick up what her sensitive senses had already recognised.

"Shit! The cake's burning!" I hurried down the stairs to find that one of the guardians was kindly taking out the cake for her. Lissa thanked them and then stared at it. She raised an eyebrow.

"Decorate it?" I nodded enthusiastically.

Fifteen minutes later, our cake was artistically covered in sweets, icing and god knows what other crap that looked really tasty. "Who wants a slice?" She handed me a plate, as well as all the guardians. I bit into it and felt the taste fill my mouth.

"Oh my God, Rose!" Lissa shrieked. " What did you do to this? _Poison it?_" I laughed.

"Of course not!" I replied, grinning. Maybe it was a bad idea putting that much more sugar in it.

"Sorry, Lissa," Eddie, thankfully another of Lissa's guardians, muttered, "We couldn't stop her." His grin spread across his face. She turned to me and I laughed again.

"Well, it was quite sweet, if you ask me. I think we should give some to Sparky." She rolled her eyes.

"_Never_ am I letting you cook again," she told me.

"Phew. That's what I was hoping for."

"That's what we were all hoping for," Eddie teased. Some of her other guardians murmured in agreement and I chuckled again.

"Well, at least that's now a certainty. However, you haven't seen me clean yet." I winked and somebody groaned. This adult thing could be fun.


	2. Water Wars!

RPOV

I woke up to find the bed beside me cold. I searched with my hand, fumbling around for Dimitri, but found no-one. I _never_ woke up without him there. Sighing, I sat up and ran a hand through my messy bed hair. I pulled back the covers and headed for the showers, letting the cool water wash away any worries about Dimitri. He was probably doing an extra shift or something. I got out, pulling on a red halterneck and some black shorts. Dimitri and I had today off-we always had the same shifts, thanks to Lissa-so I padded into the kitchen lazily and grabbed a glass of orange juice and made some crumpets. On the counter, by the kettle, I noticed a note. I peered at it:

_Roza,_

_I've gone down to the pool for a swim. If you're awake, don't worry. I'll probably be back soon._

_Dimitri_

_Xxxx_

I felt a sigh of relief ripple thorough me, and then confusion. Pool? The Court had a pool? Since when? I glugged down my juice and scoffed the last of the crumpets before heading next door to Lissa's room. I rapped sharply on the door and she opened almost immediately.

"Rose?" she asked, trying to sort out her already perfect blonde locks. "What's the matter?" I handed her the note and she laughed nervously. "Oh, I didn't tell you. I installed a pool the other day..."

"You what!" I cried. "Installed a pool? Without telling anyone?"

"I did tell _some_ people, but I wanted to keep it a surprise for you. Obviously I hadn't informed everyone of my plans." I moaned.

"Lissa, you know how I hate being out of the loop. You know what, I'm going to go down and meet him. You coming?" She nodded and then called back into the room,

"Christian, honey, I'm going to the pool with Rose."

He mumbled something sleepily along the lines of, "Be there in ten." And then collapsed back into bed, snoring as he went. I grinned and she gave me a small smiled before closing the door so she could change. I whipped a bag from the cupboard and stuffed in all my swimming stuff and some toiletries. Thank God both Lissa and I were able to swim today. Five minutes later, we were striding across Court. Well, I was. Lissa was jogging and puffing to keep up with me. I slipped into a changing room, pulling off my clothes and replacing them with a black bikini that I'd bought when we were 'away'. I wrapped myself in a soft white towel-courtesy of palace housing-and threw the rest of my stuff in a locker. Slamming it shut, I didn't bother waiting for Lissa as I stepped out into the main pool area. There was an indoor pool, where some Moroi were swimming-as the sun set late in Summer, so it was still light this late in the morning-and an outdoor pool. There were guardians at every entrance possible, dressed in lifeguard clothes. I presumed they'd been trained for that as well. I made my way to the outdoor pool. A couple of brave Moroi and a few dhampirs were lounging under the parasols on the deckchairs, but there was only one person actually in the pool. Dimitri's muscular arms were a blur as he cut his way through the water like a knife through butter. His body was streamlined and graceful, making it's way quickly to the edge before doubling back. He stopped when he came to where I was standing at the edge of the pool and heaved himself out. His glorious body was glistening with the water and his hair was dripping with it, darker because of the water. The only problem I had with this wonderful being was the fact that his usual aftershave/leather/Dimitri scent was masked by chlorine. I handed him a towel and he wiped his face.

"You got my note," he noticed.

"Of course. I'm not blind." He chuckled.

"Coming in?"

"Depends. How cold is it?"

"Not that cold." I dipped by toe in and staggered backwards.

"Not that cold? It's freezing!"

"No, it's not. That's just you."

"Well, I guess you're from Siberia and all, so you're immune to the cold." He sighed and shook his head.

"Even after going there yourself, you still believe that it's like an arctic wasteland. Go on, get in." I gave him an annoyed look as he edged me closer with his foot.

"Alright, alright. I'm going." I dropped the towel and took a step forward. I brought my arms up above my head, leapt, and arced my body towards the water. My fingers sliced through first, parting the way for the rest of my body to slide. I looked up and swam towards the light that was breaking the surface. When I found air, I was quite a way from the edge. Dimitri stood, watching me with appraisal clear on his face. Then he jumped up, and down into the depths of the water. Except, her didn't come back up. I looked around frantically, so I was shocked when a voice said,

"Roza." from behind me. I whipped around to see Dimitri standing there.

"How did you...what?" He ducked down again and I watched his shadow carefully as he glided through the water, not once coming up for air, before popping back up at the other side. My mouth was agape. Was that a dhampir thing? I decided to try it for myself. I did a quick surface dive, ducking my head under the water. I couldn't get to the floor, but I managed to wiggle down. I propelled myself along with my feet, but suddenly desperately needed air. It felt like it was filling up my head, making me ready to explode with the pressure. I broke the surface and gasped for breath. Looking back, I realised I'd made a considerable distance, but I was still far from where Dimitri was chuckling. Maybe it wasn't a dhampir thing. Maybe it was just a Dimitri thing. Frowning, I swam across to the edge and hauled myself out, just as Lissa entered with Sparky and two familiar faces-Eddie and Mia. I saw a couple of jaws drop around us and remembered that I was soaking wet. I flashed a saucy grin and turned to my friends.

"Having fun, Rose?" Eddie asked. I laughed.

"It's awesome. You should come in. Nobody else wants to."

"Will do." Eddie pencil jumped into the water at the same time as Christian. Lissa and Mia took a tentative step back and I knew what I had to do. I ran up to the edge, careful not to slip on the soaking tiles that were drying quickly in the sun, jumped and curled my legs around me yelling, "Cannonball!" at the top of my voice. I plunged into the water, splashing it around me like a bomb as I went, and floated back up to see Dimitri's exasperated face looming over me.

"You just _had_ to do it, didn't you Rose?" he told me drily, but I could feel is arms around me. I turned to see Lissa and Mia squealing as they'd been caught by the water. It wasn't actually cold, but it sloshed up the sides and Lissa started retreating. Mia gave me a glare.

"This means war," she hissed. I grinned, ducking out of Dimitri's arms and swimming over to the other side. Mia was a brilliant swimmer and she was startng to catch up to me. I felt the water around me disappear suddenly, and I fell to the bottom of the floor. "Water really isn't that useless, is it?" I looked up into the triumphant face of Mia and saw the others sniggering behind her. Damn her water. No wonder she was such a good swimmer. Lissa slid in and pulled out an inflatable volleyball, where we played Boys v. Girls. Sadly, the boys one, but I insisted they were cheating. A. they're taller (Dimitri's 6ft7 for crying out loud!) and b. they have two dhampirs and one Moroi. I had Mia threaten them with water until they called a truce. By now it was getting dark. Most of the sunbathers had retreated, either because it was getting cold or we were making too much noise.

"I'm going to get out," Lissa told us, her eyes puffy from the chlorine. Even I could see rainbows when I looked at the lights.

"I'll come with you," Christian followed her, rubbing her down in her towel. Mia and Eddie left soon after, leaving Dimitri and I alone. We swam in silence for a few lengths before he stopped and turned to me. His arms encircled me and I brushed my lips against his. He pulled away and lay on his back, looking up at the stars. I followed suite, trying to create pictures in the sky and failing.

"Beautiful," Dimitri murmured.

"They are, aren't they? I can't seem to see anything but food in them, though." My stomach growled, adding more emphasis to my words. He chuckled.

"I meant you."

"Oh." He picked me up again, kissing me softly, and then waded to the shallow end, placing me over the edge before pulling himself out. He wrapped the soft towel around us and we padded, dripping wet, into the changing rooms.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked me quietly after we'd changed-together, I might add.

"Yeah. It was fun. Did _you_ enjoy yourself, Comrade?" He laughed and kissed me again. "I'll take that as a 'Yes' then," I said, a little breathlessly.

"Yes. Yes I did."

**Soo, this was inspired by the fact that I went swimming today. Of course, nothing anywhere near this great happened, but did you like the story?**


	3. Queen of the castle

**Wow, it's been ages since I updated! Sorry guys! So, to get in the summery mood, the next few stories are gonna be one bigger story made up of days...The Great British Holiday! Yeah, I love my homeland in case you didn't realise that before. You'll find it swimming around a lot in my stories!**

"I can't believe it!" I cried. "Isn't it exciting, Dimitri?"

"Well, yes, it _is_ quite exciting, I suppose," he murmured. I shook my head as we lay on the bed.

"I can't believe you're not more interested in this! We're going on holiday! To England! I wonder what it's like?" He stroked my hair.

"Well, from what I've heard, it's really not that exotic. It isn't even hot."

"Oh, come _on, _Dimitri, it's summer! Everywhere is hot!"

"Not up North, it's not." I frowned. We'd already packed and I'd packed plenty of clothes for hot weather. I was desperately hoping it was going to be okay. Sure, I had dhampir weather resistance, but I still wasn't a huge fan of getting soaked in the rain. "Don't worry, Roza. I'm sure it'll be wonderful. Lissa has everything planned out fine." I made a noise of contempt. Lissa had arranged everything. It was going to be us, her and Christian and their guardians. I was looking forward to it. Sure, my life was pretty great, but after a year of constant guarding I was aching for a break.

"Rose!" Lissa called. "Dimitri! We're going!" I leapt up, tugging Dimitri along with me, yanked my suitcase along by it's handle and met Lissa and Christian in the hallway. Christian was trying haul both their suitcases down the hallway and wouldn't let her help him, despite her desperate attempts. I laughed and took Lissa's suitcase from him, picking it up with one finger. He shot me his you're-not-funny-Rose look and I smiled back.

The flight was several hours long, but I didn't really noticed. I figured that I'd probably fallen asleep, as I woke up on Dimitri's lap. We passed through customs and everything and then reached the outside area. I took in a breath of fresh air.

"See, Dimitri," I pointed out. "It's not _that_ cold." He chuckled.

"It will be." Lissa hailed a cab and we piled in, shoving our bags in the boot.

"Those'll be twenty quid extra, you know," the taxi driver said in a gruff voice. I was about to protest but Dimitri covered my mouth as Lissa paid up. I shook my head angrily as he drove us to our hotel.

Lissa had booked two twin rooms that had linking doors-plus some rooms across the hall for her numerous guardians. I began unpacking my stuff and shoving it all into the wardrobes. Once we were done, we all communed in Lissa's room. She had a map and a few leaflets spread across the floor as well as her phone-new, I might add-which had a GPS tracking system on it.

"Right," she began. "Where should we go?" We spent a good few hours sifting through the leaflets and pointing out interesting places on the map.

"Look!" I exclaimed. "There's a place over there called Westward Ho! Can we go there?" Christian snorted.

"It sounds like some cheesy pirate place," he mocked.

"It probably _is_ a cheesy pirate place," Dimitri laughed.

"Come on, come on! Let's go there!" I cried. "We can go to the beach!" Lissa sighed.

"I dunno, Rose. It's really far away. I mean, we're in London, and that's in Devon. It's like, 5 hours away by car. If we're gonna go there, we need to go for at least two days," she explained.

"Well, what else is down there?" We glanced back at our pile, but weren't coming up with much.

"How about we just look around the towns the next day?" Dimitri suggested.

"Oh, Comrade, that's boring!" I whined. He winked.

"They have fudge there. And really great ice creams." I felt my face light up.

"Wait, how do you know all this?"

"I read a lot when I was younger. It's surprising what sort of things you come across." I rasied my eyebrows but said no more.

"So, that's what we're doing, then?" Christian asked.

"Looks like it," Lissa murmured. "Um, we should probably leave at, like, 6am if we want to have any time there." I groaned.

"Don't holidays mean lie-ins?" I muttered.

"You're the one that wanted to go all the way to Devon," Christian pointed out. I flipped him off calmly as I went to bed and fell asleep in Dimitri's arms.

The next thing I knew, the sunlight was streaming through the window and Lissa was literally bouncing on the bed.

"Come on, Rose! We need to leave in 15 minutes!" she cried.

"Okay, Lissa, calm down. I'm up, I'm up," I moaned. I crawled out of bed to see the Dimitri was packing my bag for me. It was only a rucksack that contained beach stuff, toiletries and tomorrow's clothes. I went up to him and hugged him from behind.

"Thanks, Comrade." He smiled and I padded to the bathroom to get washed and dressed.

15 minutes later I was sat in the front seat next to Dimitri, who was trying to figure out how to drive the car, because in England they drive on the wrong side of the road. Lissa and Christian were opening some packets of brioche for us to eat as we drove. I scoffed mine down hungrily as we set off. An hour later, Lissa and Christian were asleep in the back and I felt my eyes drooping. Dimitri had the radio on to the local station, which kept changing as we crossed county borders on the motorway, and it was playing some pop song quietly. I stared out of the window as the scenery-not that there _was_ much-zipped past us. The journey seemed to take forever, but we passed it by playing I-Spy and stupid games like that. Eventually Lissa and Christian woke up because of our laughter and joined in the games until we reached Westward Ho! at lunchtime. We paid for the parking and then leapt out of the car. I sprinted up towards the wall to looked out over the sea and peered down. My face fell.

"What, Roza? What's the matter?" Dimitri asked softly in my ear.

"There's no sand!" I grumbled. The beach was a pebble beach, with huge rocks lined up against the wall. Not to mention that the tide was in. Lissa glanced down and sighed.

"Great," she moaned. "We came all the way here, and there's not even any sand!" Christian was murmuring something in her ear and I leaned back into Dimitri who put his arms around me.

"We'll find another beach, Roza. One where you can play in the sand as much as you like, one where you can act as free and childish as you like." He chuckled softly. I grinned and then glanced at an island out in the sea.

"Hey, hey, look guys! It's America," I cried, waving my arms around. "Hellooo out there!" Christian slapped his hand to his head, muttering something about how I should've been blonde, and Lissa rolled her eyes.

"Roza, that's an island about a mile out. America is several thousand miles form here." Oh. I frowned and blushed at my own stupidity.

"Oh...well, let's go find a sandy beach, then." We got the cool box from the car and headed down the little path kindly made through the rocks towards the next beach. Lisa was constantly snapping pictures of every little thing, and I held Dimitri's hand, swinging our linked arms.

And, finally, there was a sandy beach. I shrieked with delight and started running, but there were the inevitable rocks before the sand which I had to cross and _damn_ they killed my feet. Ouch. As soon as my feet touched the sand, I sprinted out to the sea, splashing my way through and getting my shorts soaked. Lissa arrived soon after and squealed as I kicked water at her. She splashed some back at me and I spat it out, tasting the salt. Christian and Dimitri were standing at the edge of the water with their arms folded, and I could see the guardians spread randomly across the beach, acting normal but all the while pointing their all-seeing-eyes at us.

"Hey, boys! Come and join us!" I called. "The water's warm!"

"No it's not!" Lissa hissed and I _shush_ed her. Christian tentatively stuck a toe in and then staggered backwards. Dimitri flung out his arms to catch him as I sniggered.

"Wuss!" I called and he stuck his tongue out at me before wading in deeper. I turned to help up Lissa, who had taken a tumble into the sea, and suddenly felt the ice cold water dripping down my neck. I whipped around to see Christian laughing hysterically and Dimitri chuckling. I narrowed my eyes, turned to Lissa and whispered something. Then we both calmly got out of the water and walked to our picnic mat that Dimitri had set up on the rocks. I dripped water all the way back as I snatched up the spade that we'd brought. And then I started digging. I plonked myself in the middle of the beach, shoved my spade into the sand and hauled out what I could. I continued doing that, making sure to flick extra hard anytime Christian was near, which received my several, "Hey!"'s. The Moroi put on some suncream and Dimitri went in search of ice creams after we'd had lunch-which was the only thing I took a break for. I spent hours at work until it was finished and the others came over to examine my work of art. I'd made a deep pool. I wasn't exactly sure quite how deep, but I'd got pretty soaked doing it. The water was actually clear, which was more than I could say for the sea which was pretty much brown. I'd put stones around the rim to stop people falling in, or so I told Christian. He peered closer.

"How deep is that?" he asked. I shrugged.

"No idea," I told him. "Why don't we find out?" And I shoved him into the water. Lissa burst into giggles as Dimitri's eyes widened. Christian plopped into the water, resulting in a mouthful of it, and when he got used to it, it was up to his shoulders.

"Jesus, Rose! What was that for?"

"Revenge." I smiled sweetly and Dimitri chuckled.

"How on earth did you do that, Roza?" he wondered.

"I'm just that talented." We started to walk away, as it was getting late.

"Hey, erm, guys?" Christian called. "A little help, please." I looked over my shoulder and sniggered as we packed up and left the beach. "Rose! I'm gonna get you for that!"

I smirked. I didn't doubt it.


End file.
